(Wow. I seriously can't believe how busy this semester has been, and it's only just started! It's been busy, but it's been amazing. I have loved every minute of of this semester so far.)
Thus, more than ever before, I think it is important to be setting boundaries.
A discussion on this topic arose last week, when Danelle and I accidentally said 'yes', on behalf of That Design, to producing some additional design work for one of our clients. A tiny, little, extra piece of design work wouldn't hurt anyone...we thought.
But little things add up.
Little things add up into big things.
When you say 'yes' to 10 different little things, they become a very big thing indeed.
Anyway, I'm not here to talk about addition, and how 1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1=10... As suggested by the title of this blog, this blog is about setting boundaries. There is so much that could be said about setting boundaries.
But personally, I feel the most important aspect is learning to say 'no'.
Such a short simple word, one of the easiest to pronounce and spell, yet one of the most difficult to actually say. And one of the most essential.
Learning to say no is an important life lesson that I've only just started putting into practice.
It's difficult.
There are many reasons why people find it difficult to say no. You just want to be agreeable. You genuinely want to help the person out. You feel a sense of obligation. But the main one for me, I think was a fear of missing out on opportunities. In other words, I was suffering from a strain of FOMO.
FOMO: Fear Of Missing Out.
It's funny, because all this time, (up until I started writing this blog post) I thought I was immune to FOMO. I thought FOMO was all about the social life, of feeling the need to go to every social event, or hanging out with a group of friends all the time, because you don't want to be left out when they talk about the great time they had last night.
I had a fear of missing out on opportunities: the ones related to my goals of becoming a successful graphic designer. In short, I said yes to far too many underpaid, or unpaid jobs, I figured they were a good way to practice my skills, and figured they might lead to greater opportunities. And to a certain extent, yes they probably have.
But. I. Was. Exhausted. (and also felt a bit used and ripped off)
I was absolutely burnt out by the end of last semester.
The whole holidays I couldn't bring myself to do anything at all related to design, or art, or photography. I didn't even want to come back to college to finish my degree, as it meant I would have to be doing all of the above.
I wanted to study carpentry. (I actually still kind of do)
But here I am. Back into design work. But the difference is... that I now know how to say no.
And I'm loving it.
I now fear 'Fear Of Missing Out'. What I now fear is missing out on 'me time'. Missing out on taking time out to enjoy a hot cup of tea, or having extra hours of sleep. Missing out on having time out to spend on personal hobbies and projects. Missing out on people and friends.
Just yesterday, I said 'no' to something and explained it was because I really felt the need for a nap. That felt good. I think the hardest thing sometimes about saying no, is being able to put your own needs first: getting enough sleep, exercise, and healthy food a number one priority.
The default position for me is still 'yes'. But I now know how to override the default settings.
What helped me a lot was reading this line on some blog one day during the holidays:
"Saying yes to something means saying no to something else."But knowing how to say 'no' can be the biggest challenge. Saying 'no' outright can seem so blunt, and harsh. Here are three good ways to say 'no' in an honest yet gentle way:
That's all from me... for now. Look out for a Part 2 of this series on 'Setting Boundaries', as I practice the delicate art of saying 'no'.
- "I'd love to help you out... but ________" This tells the other person that you love their ideas, it compliments them and keeps the other person feeling good. But it lets them know that your plate is full with other needs/commitments. A good way to still help the person out without overcommitting yourself is to suggest another person suited to the job.
- "Let me think about it first and get back to you" One reason I prefer emails and Facebook messages to phone calls and face to face communication is that you naturally have more time to think things through. It's often way too easy to get caught up in the moment, and the contagiousness of the other person's excitement and say 'YES!' in the heat of the moment, and then regret it later. (I have done this too many times) One thing I need to learn is that it is ok to ask for time.
- And I really like this one from Oprah's website (I will be implementing this policy): "I'll have to sleep on it: I have a policy of not making decisions straight away."
And then possibly a blog post on 'Pushing Boundaries', which will be fun ;)
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